Slurry tanks, French horns and pushy parents

So there I was on Friday night: lying in the bath, sipping a cold beer and thinking.

This is quite unusual.  Not the bath or beer bit, but most definitely the ‘thinking’.  Usually I listen to the Archers on iPlayer or watch Come Dine with Me.  In these circumstances my thoughts are usually limited to “how can a new slurry tank cost £20,000?” or “when did it become OK for dinner party guests to rummage through your wardrobe before the starters are served?”. Both good questions by the way – do feel free to let me know the answers.

But on Friday, there was none of this and it was all the Smurfs’ fault.  OK, not directly, but if the children weren’t so addicted to a hideous game in which they build Smurf villages, mix Smurf potions and harvest Smurf crops, our iPad might not have needed recharging.

But it did, so back to the thinking.

My thoughts were on an article I’d read earlier in the week.  It was about a new book in which a mother advises parents on ways to get their children into a good school.

As always when reading something on this subject I became concerned that my own offspring may have been short changed. 

My choice for their school was based on nothing more than geography and copying someone else’s homework (which, come to think about it, sounds quite apt).  The school is near enough to cycle should our car break down or I have a sudden urge to improve my fitness levels and also, my mate Lucy looked round all the schools and thought this one was good. “That’ll do for us then”, I thought.  “ No need to actually visit them myself or read pesky Ofsted reports – after all I’m very busy.  I mean that episode of Come Dine with me won’t watch itself now will it?”

Of course I’m talking state education here whereas the article was about private schools.  Mistakenly I thought in this difficult economic climate, parting with huge amounts of cash on a termly basis should be enough to get you in but apparently not.  Instead the piece painted a picture of a cut throat world where parents attempt to collar the best private tutors, invest in interview coaching and try to outdo each other in extra curricular face offs.

What struck me was the part where the mother, thinking that her daughter reaching grade 4 on the piano would help her application, instead found that it was far too commonplace.  Firstly grade 5 or even 6 was the expected standard and secondly the more unusual instruments were apparently the sought after ones.  I think the question “After all, which school orchestras out there aren’t desperate for a good French Horn player?” may have even been posed.  The gist of it being; it’s more about the skills a school needs than the achievement itself.

And that’s when I had a brainwave.  

Gardening. 

Yes, school gardens are practically compulsory these days.  What’s more I imagine this level of private school delights in opening theirs for cream teas to impress the parents (probably with the school brass section, complete with French horn, adding atmosphere in the background).

So there you have it.  Pushy parents around the country seeking an edge in school entries, need look no further than horticulture.  After all, which headteacher with eyes on a Yellow Book opening next year wouldn’t sit up and take note when little Hermione says “Oh no I don't play piano any more - I gave it up to spend more time on my potager. I mean a four-year crop rotation cycle and ornamental cutting garden won’t just plan themselves will they Miss Simkins?”

Brilliant, huh?

That’s the power of Radox and Peroni right there.

Next week I shall probably tackle the Middle East crisis.

 

Comments

[marcus]

Totally agree with you on this, and I think that little gardeners would be more rounded than french horn players who'd been pushed into it.
We're lucky to have a school where gardening is a big part of things, they even have a pizza oven.
I think knowing where their food comes from and how to grow your own is one of the best educations you can give a child.
cheers
marcus

[twitter.com/countrygate]

I can help you out with the 20 grand slurry tank question - but you wouldn't want to know. Really. Good place to put the pushy parents though.

[Dawn]

Marcus - love the sound of a pizza oven - would chose that over a perfectly balanced orchestra any day of the week

Cally - I knew I should have looked to you for the slurry tank guidance. Your words are, as always, so wise.

[Karen - An Artist's Garden]

giggle - love this post :)

K

[Delane]

I have always wanted a pizza oven! Just don't know how to do it.

This helps!

Landscaping Hartford CT

[Grow Your Own Allotment]

I think its great that kids are taking such an active interest in growing their own. Shame not all kids and parents are as enthusiastic.

Keep up the great posts!

[Amanda White]

I loved this bit about schools! Your writing is very funny. Although my passion is gift wrapping I have recently blogged about tree garlands which your children would LOVE to do. Hop over to www.giftfrippery.co.uk and take a look at the blog!

[rhiannon]

Practical geography was my approach too. Parenting competitions completely bemuse me. I would never actively join one, but others seem to include you in theirs. Its nice to be dropped from the small talk at kids parties because you don't have interests in such schools etc

[Garden Bags]

Excellent blog many thanks for spending the time to write and upload. The beds look lovely, i love the buxus around the edges.