Dan Brown, lollipop sticks and wellie-drilling

I have done some really stupid things in my life before.  There was that ditch-diving incident when my Dad told me to take my feet off the pedals of my bike and I heard it as "take your hands off the handlebars", and the time I was trying to get my parents attention by standing inbetween them… whilst they were throwing bricks, not forgetting the day I crossed the road in front of a bike, or the one when I did the same in front of a car (I became such a regular at the hospital, I was invited to their Christmas party). 

However, these things were linked by a common factor.  I was very, very young.

I kind of thought I’d grown out of such nonsense.

Until last Thursday.

Because that was the day I drilled my own leg.

Which hurt… quite a lot.

But weirdly, that wasn’t what I was thinking about.  No, my first thought was “if this starts to bleed uncontrollably, will I be able to construct a tourniquet quickly enough to still pick up the kids from school?”.  And secondly, “if I have to go to A&E should I lie about the fact I was drilling holes in wellies?”.

Yes, this was a wellie-drilling injury.  Surely, one of the least impressive or glamorous injuries. (Actually, that’s not really true.  I’m sure I read somewhere that there are a handful of deaths each year caused by simply “putting on trousers”.  Then again, I may well have made this up...)

I would like to point out that this injury, while undeniably stupid, is all in a good cause. In fact it was part of one of 35 projects I’m attempting to prepare for my first ever book.  

This tome (which I imagine is already getting Dan Brown worrying over his share of the book market) is supposed to marry real gardening and my Blue Peter-esque obsessions with cutting, sticking and recycling household objects.  As a result there will be a certain amount of planting in non-planters and, consequently, quite a lot of drilling.  In fact, so far this week, I have drilled a ceramic teapot (slow, slow work), wooden wine boxes (a doddle), rubber wellie boots (soft and slippery) and, of course, my leg (very painful, but not A&E gruesome thanks to the stopping power of denim).

Next week I shall be concentrating on planting bulbs and lollipop stick fencing.  It will be safer.

Comments

[EB_GardenDesign]

One word - OWWWCHHH! Loved reading your post; it really made me giggle - not the leg-drilling bit, obviously! I was very brave though, I read it whilst eating a bacon sarnie.

Very best wishes with your book project; sounds great!

[Michelle Wheeler]

It's a dangerous job gardening.Remember Ray one of my lecturers telling us the wheelbarrow causes the most injuries to gardeners.I on the other hand have stood on a rake 4 times this year and wacked myself in the head with the handle.Comedy moment? Possibly,just not a good look with a red mark on forehead.When I worked in A/E the worse injury I saw was with a gentleman who had had a disagreement with a chainsaw...He was ok in the end just embarrassed.

Good Luck with the book.xx

[Helen at Toronto Gardens]

You made me laugh a lot -- *with* you, of course. I've had many similarly laughable gaffs, and while I can't use the "very, very young" excuse, I must say none of them were (was?) quite as pointed an example, shall we say, as drilling my leg. Perhaps that can be a catch phrase for you? Instead of "well, I never!" -- "well, drill my leg!"

[Esther Montgomery]

I'm trying to grasp this. By the look of the boot, you drilled three holes through the sole while you were wearing it. Is this right? Do you still have a foot?

Esther

[Sophie]

Dawn - I hope you're going to start selling these Blue Peter planters as well as writing about them, for those of us less -er - adventurous than your good self. I rather fancy the ceramic teapot..

[Emily Okines]

I love your writing style- it makes me giggle! I have a question though- why were your parents throwing bricks??!!??

Hope your drilling injury isn't too bad & that you're ok now. I look forward to hearing more about your book- it sounds fab! :o)

[Lameh]

Oh Dawn!

You do make me laugh!

I hope you & your beautiful family are well. I often think of you & LOVE catching up with you on your blog.

Good times & great memories!

Many hug & kisses for your war wound XXXxXXX

[Helen]

Oh you do make me laugh. Have any of your children inherited your accidental injuries? My eldest would have told you that drilling holes in teapots was a bad idea, he tried for me last year and got very fed up.
What is the lolly stick fence intended to keep out? ants, fleas?

[Frances]

What are you going to plant in your leg? Looking forward to the book...

[elizabethm]

I assume your parents were throwing bricks at each other? The husband of a friend cut of his little finger with a chainsaw last week so we are feeling very squeamish over here. Glad you were ok! and yes please, to your book.

[Dawn]

Libby - thanks and so glad my leg-mangling didn't dent your appetite for bacon sarnies (to be honest, with the drill bit actually in my leg I could probably still handle a bacon sarnie)

Michelle - right so that is now drills, wheelbarrown, rakes and chainsaws I now need to avoid. Good to know.

Helen - well, drill my leg, that's a capital idea!

Esther - I now feel smugly competent just because I didn't drill my own foot. However, to explain further, I did decide that holding the boot between my knees whilst drilling was the way to go until I realised that a) the boots are quite slippery and b) the proximity of the drill to my knee and leg was an error.

Sophie - yes, I'm quite happy with the teapot except that it took 10 minutes of solid drilling to make a small hole. Perhaps I should have taken out a second mortgage and just bought the ceramic drill bit (by which I mean one that drill ceramics as opposed to a piece of drill shaped pottery).

[Dawn]

Emily and Elizabeth - yes, I probably should clarify the parents/brick throwing incident. As a child, my family spent the weekends demolishing old buildings (long story) and these salvaged bricks were being thrown between my parents as they loading them into a wheelbarrow.

I still have the scars - the physical ones from the brick and the mental ones from spending my weekends demolishing houses...

[Dawn]

Lameh - how lovely to hear from you! I'm so pleased we can keep in touch via the blog and emails. Sending my love to you and all the family. Dxxx

Helen - Having drilled a single hole I am quite prepared to believe ceramic teapots are harder than diamonds. Ants or fleas? Tsk. Eveyone knows lollipop stick fencing is to keep the miniature animals off your miniature leaves on your miniature farm. Don't they?

Frances - I'm thinking cress. That way I can still fit my jeans over the top.

[Plantaliscious]

Ouch! Your childhood sounds a little like mine, though my parents were not in to demolishing buildings. Being on first name terms with the staff at A&E caused my Mum a lot of embarrassment - nowadays she'd probably be arrested for suspected abuse. I regularly expect to find I have drilled into some part of my anatomy, but happily have so far survived. And the guard on the circular saw is very good... Look forward to the book!