I am considering withdrawing my children from their school. OK, so this might seem a little radical. After all, it's a fantastic state primary with brilliant teachers and superb facilities, but despite all this, it has a fundamental flaw - it doesn't understand how to judge gardening competitions.
As you may gather from this, my son's entry to the miniature garden category failed to garner first prize.
I know, unbelievable, isn't it?
I mean, it had everything going for it; rustic stick fencing, personalised gate, central wigwam, sand pit with bark windbreak, a tomato tree to shade the poolside pond, slate chipping path, a vegetable garden growing real salad leaves, the scariest scarecrow imaginable and, for realism, a slightly dishevelled mother hanging out the washing in her nightie.
And what did it get? Third place. THIRD PLACE! Outrageous!
Oscar is delighted of course. He received, not only a 'destificate', as he insists on calling it, but also a rosette.
Me? I'm considering home schooling.
i wonder what got first and second...
Posted by: ruth | April 23, 2010 at 01:52 PM
They featured broccoli trees and plasticine carrots. Perhaps we were too purest...?
Posted by: Dawn/LittleGreenFingers | April 23, 2010 at 02:13 PM
I think they must have got mixed up with their placements there - maybe at that school 3rd is 1st as that garden is surely a first prize winner!
Posted by: Scented Sweetpeas | April 23, 2010 at 02:36 PM
I thought the RHS was getting into schools, at the very least there could be a full time school garden judge appointed. In fact, maybe you could do it: they would give you a badge and everything.
I may be wrong but I suspect that this might be a competition between mothers almost more than children.
The giveaway is the rather neat knotwork in the string binding your fence together.And perhaps it was a step too far to have such a peculiarly lifelike Dawn/Barbie cast specially for the contest.
All the same to be beaten by a plasticine carrot, you are going to need some sort of quite serious therapy.
Posted by: JamesA-S | April 23, 2010 at 05:02 PM
That garden is amazing. You was robbed. We never come first either...
Posted by: Victoria | April 23, 2010 at 05:04 PM
SS - You may be on to something. Perhaps they weren't placements but rather the factor by which each garden was superior to all others...
James - I would indeed do almost anything for a title and a badge (it's the grown up equivalent of a rosette and certificate after all). And, yes, I did do the knots on the fencing and I created the teepee cover, but parental help was allowed and quite frankly there is no way those plasticine carrots were fashioned by a 5 year old either.
Still, I've booked in with Doctor Von Trumpington anyway. Talking about it can't do any harm and, let's face it, the valium hasn't been any help.
Posted by: Dawn/LittleGreenFingers | April 23, 2010 at 08:05 PM
Victoria - it is obviously a conspiracy. We should rise up in protest.
Posted by: Dawn/LittleGreenFingers | April 23, 2010 at 08:06 PM
Clearly you should have made it out of lego. Hit the bottle. It's Friday after all and don't mention home schooling again. All my mates who are doing it are showing signs of early senility!
Cally:-)
Posted by: Country Gate | April 23, 2010 at 09:51 PM
I think if you'd put Ken in the garden with Barbie you might have won. It would have been very pc to have Ken in charge of the laundry.
Posted by: Iota | April 24, 2010 at 05:54 AM
You were robbed, it's a fix!
Posted by: Jo | April 24, 2010 at 09:39 AM
This is genius. I can't believe it didn't romp home into first place. All that's missing is a miniature vodka bottle and pack of 10 Silk Cut sticking out of her dressing gown pocket for it to be the perfect slummy mummy tableau (non) vivant.
Posted by: lickedspoon | April 24, 2010 at 03:23 PM
3rd place only? Sorry, but then I don't think 'domestic goddess' is appropriate. But 'home & garden maker' could do the trick ;)
Posted by: Metropolitan Mum | April 24, 2010 at 08:59 PM
This is truly wrong - your entry is clearly the outright winner. I have a feeling it is one of those politically correct reverse psychology things - they didn't want to make the other children feel inadequate by highlighting your son's unique gift. Is it going to Chelsea ? Bravo ! xx
Posted by: Belgravia Wife - sort of | April 25, 2010 at 11:19 AM
I think I have miniature garden envy. If this only got third place, then I am a failure as a mother - my son only ever got a carrot top 'Treasure Island' with an origami paper boat sailing towards it over a tinfoil lined margarine tub lid.
Oscar is clearly a robust child and knows his garden is a winner whatever school says!
Posted by: All Seasons Gardener | April 25, 2010 at 01:21 PM
Country Gate - I took your advice and hit the bottle. It helped.
Iota - he didn't have 'Ken' as his sister had already nicked him to hang out washing in her own miniature garden!
Jo - too right!
LickedSpoon - brilliant - will try to fashion these immediately out of some old pipecleaners and then call for a rematch.
Metropolitan Mum - Please don't rob me of 'Domestic Goddess' status. It's all that standing between me and the asylum.
Belgravia Wife - I have notified the RHS and it's on standby should any of the show gardens fail to come up to scratch.
All Seasons Gardener - there is a very thin line between 'robust' and 'completely oblivious' and Oscar crossed this some time ago.
Posted by: Dawn/LittleGreenFingers | April 25, 2010 at 07:57 PM