Kirstie Allsopp, gilded pears and telly rage

I was shouting at the TV screen last night - a lot.  Unfortunately, I quite often suffer from 'telly rage', and its closely related anger issue - 'radio rage'.  The latter is usually aimed at some politician on the Today programme as they avoid answering the question yet again.  The former is reserved for certain Cbeebies programmes and, of course, Kirstie Allsopp.

I know this sounds harsh.  I mean, I'm sure she's a lovely person and I really rather liked her and Phil on Location, Location, Location even when they were pretending to have a pseudo marital tiff every five minutes.  However, I'm afraid her Homemade Christmas has sent me over the edge.

The premise seemed right up my street - avoiding the shop bought extravagances in favour of handmade and personal touches to the festive season.  But then she goes on to show you some extremely talented artisans creating expensive luxury items which you couldn't even begin to contemplate without some pricey raw materials, specialist tools and about 15 years of experience.

The point where I really lost it was when she gilded pears in 24 carat gold leaf as a means of creating place settings.  Tell you what Kirstie, why not just tell your guests where they're sitting rather than torturing innocent fruit in the manner of a Bond villain.

The most annoying part of it all is that there are many, many easy ways to decorate your family's Christmas table without recourse to a second mortgage.  Just look in your garden for a start.  You can place ivy or holly down the centre of a table.  If you remember to save allium heads or you've collected walnuts or pine cones, just spray them gold or silver to add some bling to the greenery.  I have even used ivy leaves, decorated with a metallic pen, to label individual crackers, although, on reflection, that does sound a bit weird.

Anyway, enough of this.  Big Cook Little Cook is about to start and I need to do some more shouting.  I mean how can they begin to run a cafe with so few covers?  And don't get me started on their lack of food preparation...

Comments

[Helen]

I did laugh when I saw this post. I got the same way about her previous series - Homemade cottage or some such and dont get VP started on the subject!

[Almost Mrs Average]

I know what you mean. I was really looking forward to this series and ended up being distracted for reasons that you've mentioned about - and busy trying out the art of origami with banknotes - which themselves were cheaper than gold leaf :-)

[Liz (LivingwithKids)]

I think your ideas sound lovely and to be honest we've done the spray-painted pine cones many times. I have met and worked with Kirstie, and she is fab - she's not perfect but she's incredibly resourceful. When the clothes the stylist had ordered for her didn't fit, she simply popped back to her house (round the corner from the studio) and came back with some of her own outfits. Now that's down to earth.

[Lia Leendertz]

And what about 'Big Cook, Little Cook's' gay subtext? Filthy! They've toned it down a little of late, but a year ago - phewey! all i'll say is this: look out whenever one of them stirs something white...

[Dawn/LittleGreenFingers]

Helen - so pleased it's not just me! Maybe VP could present the next series instead - that I would love to watch.

AMM - I think she might actually be making colourful firelighters from £100 notes in the next show.

Liz - That's my problem - I think she is rather lovely so I feel guilty about my rage. Damn - you've made me feel worse than ever now.

[Pinny]

Totally agree...the wife and I watched the show and started getting suspicious about Kirstie's so-called homemade Christmas when she started handing over £20 notes for Christmas puddings in Covent Garden.

Homemade, all very fine and dandy, but it's OK when (a) you're getting paid to spend the time doing all that stuff and (b) when you can knock up half and embroidered Christmas tree on a napkin and get the Hertfordshire needlers to do the rest for you...plus the bloody tablecloth! Same with the chocolate truffles. Kirstie can't stop herself scoffing her manky ones so the bloke makes her another batch. AND the crackers.

Coat for every day for he week, brand new Landrover in the drive...and where's her bloody kid, running around and gilding the dog before you've even thought about place settings?

Allsopp my arse.

[snapdragonjane]

We watched last night as a family (I decided to take a night away from workshop and then found I couldn't do anything other than slump) - Katie (9) spent the 2nd half going "Oh but those pears were so pretty" - while Euan ranted about ridiculous over paid celebrities and their lack of reality and Zoe and I fell off the sofas - turned out to be quite an interactive slump.
J x

[TheMadHouse]

I was thinking the same as you and must have been preparing a post about it at the same time. It had me all in a rage. She is lovley, but her idea of handmade and inexpensive isn't the same as mine I am afraid. They are callbed Big Cock and little cock in our house!

[Dawn/LittleGreenFingers]

Lia - just spluttered tea over my keyboard at that comment. I can never watch it in the same light again (especially after TheMadHouse's suggestion for the alternative title)

Pinny - Ah, I'm so touched we can get annoyed at the same thing! Roll on New Year I say - we can have a rant-off.

Jane - I love Euan and that's that!

TMH - we are psychic twin blogging ranters.

[elizabethm]

I have had a more general Chritsmas rant this week but am so with you on this one in every way: the out of touchness, the expense, the slight guilt at being so cross as I think she is probably ok really.
I'm a shouter too, mainly at Radio 4.
Have longed suspected Big Cook, Little Cook is a money laundering operation, I mean, one customer a day? Pull the other one.

[JamesA-S]

Honestly, you’re so picky about golden pears. Nothing wrong with them at all.
I remember that in my first garden I had a little nut tree that was a bit short of fruit but it did produce a silver nutmeg and, and this is my point, a golden pear.
The King of Spain’s daughter, no less, was very taken by them and came to visit me.
Which is almost as good a Kirstie Allsopp dropping in.

[Arabella Sock]

Yes.. but are Kirstie's decorations as lovely as Sarah Raven's? I think there must be a fight!

[Tracey Bennett]

And what was with the crappy 70's cookbook she was planning on giving her sister? After gold leafing pears? Charming.

I do covert edible glitter though, just not on mince pies, that was odd.

[Dawn]

James - I think the Spanish Infanta might be a lower maintenance option than Kirstie. At least she's only interested in natural, home grown golden pears.

Arabella - It would be the battle of twin sets and pearls. I'd pay to see that. However, Sarah must surely win...

Tracey - I know, what an old meanie! Bet she put lumps of coal in the stockings too.

Not sure about edible glitter - especially on the mince pies. I've been trying to tell my kids for years that glitter should not be put in their mouths. How is this going to help?

[Karen - An Artist's Garden]

lol - what can I say Dawn, I watched the first program the other night and switched off the TV feeling very inadequate that I haven't got most of the talented craftspeople in Wales working hard on my behalf so my kids have the most amazingly well decorated Christmas.

Although I did buy some fabric to make christmas mats - but it will probably stay in the studio until next year, the sun is out and my tulips need planting, much more important than salt dough letters.
K

[Dawn]

Karen - That's blasphemy! Surely nothing is more important in life than salt dough letters. Where are your priorities woman?

[Karen - An Artist's Garden]

With my tulip display next Spring
:)
K

[Troutie]

I loved this post! I also loved and hated Kirstie's programme in equal measure. I'm sure she is lovely but these kind of programmes are always going to be irritating frippery.

And although she was mocked by some for her oversized Russian hat and her blazing red lipstick, she did inspire me to dig out my own Russian hat and ponce about Hackney looking very elegant.

[Kaz Jones]

You do realise, of course, that her family don't actually live in the Devon cottage? It was bought as a very expensive holiday let - http://www.helpfulholidays.com/property.asp?ref=K22

[Dawn/LittleGreenFingers]

Elizabeth - sorry, meant to say, I think you're onto something with Big Cook Little Cook. The most plausible explanation I've heard so far.

Karen - 'nuff said.

Troutie - Poncing about in Russian hats should be compulsory - and not just in Hackney.

Kaz - the cheeky mare! I can't believe that. Prices starting from £2000/week! No wonder she can afford to gild pears.